Upside Down
by whatatravesty
Summary: Luigi, Peach, and co try to figure out who they are.


Dear Mario,

I hope this letter doesn't have to reach you, that you might live out the rest of your life in bliss, but if you _are_ reading this, then I suppose it means there is no other option than for you to know the truth. I can only hope you will do the right thing with it.

A decade ago, I first met Bowser, the King of Koopas, at an ambassadorial meeting. Through correspondences, I came to the realization: Bowser was the best-suited to rule over Mushroom Kingdom. A war veteran, and a PhD in political science—not to mention an established architect—Bowser had all the qualifications, and his policies have a track record of success in the Koopa Kingdom, which has become the economic powerhouse that it is today under his authority.

Unfortunately, the backwards monarchal law dictated that I and I alone become queen. I never wanted to rule—I never wanted to be a princess, but I was born into it. Our only option was to allow the Koopa King to take over by force.

After our first attempt at faking a coup was thwarted, we thought it was a freak accident: a shroom-tripping plumber stumbling into the castle from the sewers was not an event we expected to repeat. But each time you thwarted our plans, you became more confident, more experienced. As we escalated our plans, you escalated your own game. You became a legend.

Perhaps we were not ruthless enough; I know there were many times we could have taken you out for good, but I at least could not bring ourselves to harm someone so well-intentioned, no matter how troublesome.

It was a feat of biological engineering that we have reached the current solution. I hope you will accept this situation, and as Mushroom Kingdom will surely undergo tribulations in the years to come, I hope you will continue to be the man that I know you to be.

Sincerely,

The former Princess Peach.

* * *

_It was all for nothing_, Mario thought numbly, staring at the parchment in his hand. He looked up at the monstrous Koopa standing before him. "It was all for nothing," he said aloud.

The Koopa King shook his head, standing in the wreckage of the princess's bedroom. "We never begrudged you for doing the right thing, Mario," he said. "In fact, one might even say you forced us into finding a cleaner solution." He looked at the crown in his hands. It was a little bent, from where Mario had knocked it off, but ultimately undamaged.

"Cleaner?" Mario asked. "You'll have to live a lie—"

"We would live a lie in any case." Bowser said. He returned the crown to his head, where it worked its magic: in the blink of an eye, he had become a beautiful woman. She was not Peach, but she was close enough. There were differences, if you looked for them: a sharper jawline, a fiercer gaze, but with the right makeup and dress, nobody would know the difference, not if they weren't looking for it. "And this is not so terrible a lie. Being a human, it is not so bad, and I'm a rather pretty one at that, don't you think?" She winked, and Mario felt his heart hammer. No doubt a vestigial instinct carried over from his attraction to the Princess.

_The Princess who had run away—_

"Where is she?" Mario asked.

The false Princess's face hardened. "I can't say."

"Or you won't?"

"I cannot. I do not know where she is. Mario, you must realize that Peach wanted nothing more than to escape this life. She didn't want anybody to look for her."

"Where did you last see her?"

"Mario, she is _gone_. She is happy, wherever she is, but she is _gone_, and you will never see her again, and you have to accept that. I regret that I must so harsh, but that's the blunt truth, and you need to face it."

"No... she... she can't—be—be gone!" Mario cried, his voice cracking. "SHE CAN'T! Now that I know... now that I know all the truths... she'll want to see me. She will."

"Mario, you need to come to grips with the fact that you never _knew who the Princess really was_. If you want, I can perhaps set up a therapist—"

"I don't need a therapist. I just need to find the Princess—"

"_The Princess you knew was a facade!_" The false Princess roared, a spark and a hint of smoke escaping her nostrils, which flustered her almost as much as him. "Ahem," she said, getting herself under control. She walked forward to Mario and made as if to put a hand on his shoulder but stopped just short. "We really will need your help," she said softly. "There will be villains, real ones, and you can help—"

Mario took several deep breaths to get himself under control.

He had made too much of a scene already. That wouldn't do. "I will—I will accept it," he lied.

The false Princess patted him on the shoulder. "I'm glad." She plucked the letter from his hand. "I hope you understand, but I _will_ need to destroy this."

Mario nodded, and she sent the letter up in flames with a breath.

"I'll be going now," he said. He headed toward the bathroom.

"You can take the—oh, never mind."

Turning paper thin—an old power Mario had picked up—he squeezed himself down the tub's drain pipe, which would lead downtown towards Mario's house, thinking of his next move.

* * *

Squinting his eyes, Mario slinked through the shady streets of the haunting district of Toad Town. Covered in a fog left by the Boo, it was the ideal place for dealing "off the books." This was the place for services that could be done with discretion.

He'd foregone his iconic hat-and-overalls look, wearing only a robe and hood instead. It wouldn't do to be recognized in this part of town. Mario found the house he was looking for, a crusty old building with a sign that Mario could barely make out through the haze: an upside-down sign which read, _Private Detective_.

Mario pushed open the door.

"Mario?" came a surprised, creaky voice from inside, and Mario jumped in surprise.

"How did you know who I was?" Mario demanded.

The man Mario had come to see was leaning back in a chair, his feet propped up on a desk. With a large nose and a crooked mustache, his dress almost resembled Mario's own traditional clothing—overalls, but with a purple shirt and hat sporting a _Γ,_ the "gamma" of the ancient alphabet. He seemed immediately flustered by Mario's accusatory tone.

He stood up and dusted off his overalls. "Why, you're famous, of course," as if this required no other explanation.

"I guess you really are as good as they say," Mario said. "You _are_ Waluigi, are you not?"

"Of course, of course," he said smiling. "What service can I do for you?"

"I need you to find someone."


End file.
